DISCERNMENT PASTORAL COUNSELING: FOR MARRIAGES IN CRISIS
Your marriage has reached a crisis moment. You don’t want to stay in this marriage the way it is (or maybe it is your spouse that feels that way, even though you disagree). Maybe you are considering divorce, but you are just not sure that is the best path. You want to talk with clergy. Discernment Pastoral Counseling is designed for you. It’s a chance have a guided conversation in which you can look at your options for your marriage.
Discernment, by definition, is the ability to perceive, understand, and judge things clearly, especially those that are not obvious or straightforward.
Discernment Counseling is way of helping couples where one person is “leaning out” of the relationship—and not sure that regular marriage counseling would help–and the other is “leaning in”—that is, interested in rebuilding the marriage. Both perspectives will be honored and explored. I will help you decide whether to try to restore your marriage to health, move toward divorce, or take a time out and decide later.
Discernment counseling is specifically for couples who are considering divorce but want to take a deeper look before making a final decision. The goal is for you to gain clarity and confidence about a direction, based on a deeper understanding of your relationship and its possibilities for the future. The goal is not to solve your marital problems but to see if they are solvable.
Sessions are divided between meeting with the couple together and individually. When a decision is reached, help will be offered towards a constructive divorce or a reconciliation plan for a healthy, successful marriage. This may include further pastoral counseling, or deeper discernment or marital therapy with a mental heath professional.
You will each be treated with compassion and respect no matter how you are feeling about your marriage at the moment. No bad guys and good guys. If you are the “leaning out” spouse, I promise to respect your reasons for wanting to divorce even while trying to open up the possibility of restoring your relationship to health.
You will come in as a couple but the most important work may occur in the one-to-one conversations. Why? Because you are starting out in different places. I will emphasize the importance of each of you seeing your own contributions to the problems and the possible solutions. This will be useful in this and future relationships even if the marriage ends.
I am a pro-marriage rabbinic pastor who previously spent 45 years helping people through their divorces. This means that I understand that not all marriages can continue, but some that were considered broken may actually not be beyond repair. My goal is to help you move forward and transform your family’s story, to create a great relationship between you, in whatever form it may take.
Please email me to schedule an appointment for discernment counseling.
Please note. This specific type of pastoral counseling, discernment counseling is not designed for everyone. If you are in one of these situations: one of you has already made a final decision to divorce; one of you is being coerced by the other to participate; or, there is danger of domestic violence, please contact me separately so we can figure out what steps to take next.
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